25 Ways to Spend a Snow Day

It’s a snow day here in town, so a good time to resurrect this post.

Maximum Know-How

Are your children home unexpectedly due to overwhelming snowfall, sheets of freezing rain, or a school district paranoid that some parent will sue them for $40 million dollars if their kid suffers “emotional distress” during a snowball fight on the way to school? Maximum Know-How has you covered.

Here’s how to spend a snow day:

1. Build a snow fort.
2. Make snow angels.
3. Create an army of deranged mutant killer monster snow goons.
4. Achieve peace in the Middle East.
5. Make a list of your 25 favorite songs.
6. Walk to the local drug store and get a flu shot.
7. Do a deep clean of all the bathrooms in your house.
8. Anguish over the fact that you personally can’t stop global warming.
9. Shovel your neighbor’s sidewalk and driveway.
10. Make a list of your 25 favorite movies.
11. Savor the multicultural joy of R.E.M.’s “Shiny Happy People” music video. Gotta love Kate.

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Bad Valentine’s Day Gifts

Valentine’s Day is coming up, so I thought I’d repost this informative guide to getting safely through the week.

Maximum Know-How

23 items you should definitely NOT give your significant other

Valentine’s Day is only a week away, so it’s time to start thinking of the perfect offering to hand your loved one next Thursday. For those people who tend toward last-minute panic buying—for example, those who race to the local drug store at 11:30 the night before trying to remember their companion’s favorite type of candy bar—Maximum Know-How has your back. We understand that panicked procrastinators often practice poor decision-making in the heat of the moment, thinking that a really bad gift idea will be just the thing to show their love and devotion. To help protect these vulnerable shoppers from (usually well-deserved) post–Valentine’s Day wrath, we offer this list of what not to give on Valentine’s Day—even if it’s on sale and you can find it fast.

1. Coupon for a free consultation at the weight-loss center
2. Vacation tour…

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Ignore the Impulse

When people first start blogging, they often begin with an extensive post detailing their internal debate about starting a blog and what their first topic will be, as if thousands of people are reading along (rather than just some NSA computer somewhere), all anxious to understand the writer’s motivations. These posts conclude by promising years of entertaining commentaries about their fascinating life, “so stay tuned!!!” Then the second post, if there is one, is about the emotional trial of choosing exactly the right visual theme to capture the essence of their multifaceted personality. Or, they just start posting dirty pictures first thing.

I will take the high road, and instead talk about something wholesome, exciting, and deeply relevant to our society. I haven’t figured out what that is yet, though, so stay tuned!!!

Hello world!

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