Can’t Sleep? 20 Topics for Insomniacs to Stew On

27 Dec


Sometimes it’s hard to sleep, even during the tryptophan-filled holidays. If you’re suffering from insomnia, here are 20 topics that might interest you—or sound familiar. Use ‘em if you need ‘em.

  1. Since I’m awake, better be effective: What would I buy if I had a million dollars?
  2. What is wrong with the Lakers? And why do I care?
  3. Shouldn’t have napped this afternoon.
  4. How did Noah keep all those carnivores from wreaking havoc in the antelope compartment?
  5. Of course! Why didn’t I see it before? All those aging heavy metal rock stars wear their iconic hats/bandanas to hide male-pattern baldness!
  6. If I’m going to be up this late anyway, I should have watched the complete Lord of the Rings trilogy instead of one episode of Downton Abbey.
  7. Other side of pillow isn’t cool yet.
  8. If I was in my grave, I wonder if I could spin all the way around without touching the casket lid. I think I’ll try a tight spin right now just for practice. 
  9. Since I’m up, maybe I should go write sincere thank-you letters to close friends and relatives who have supported me throughout my life… or perhaps just play some stupid games on Facebook until dawn.
  10. Is that noise a burglar?
  11. If I stay up much longer, I’m gonna need a nap tomorrow.
  12. Oh that we now had here but one ten thousand of those men in England that do no work today.
  13. Is the furnace seriously going on again? I wonder if the cat is controlling it telepathically, just to run up my bill.
  14. Why are people suddenly adding apostrophes to plurals, like car’s and phone’s. I swear it’s become a national affliction.
  15. Monsters, Inc. in a frat house? How can that go anywhere good?
  16. I wonder what Winona Ryder is doing right now.
  17. Do they still sell Fruit Stripe gum?
  18. Is it “God rest, ye merry gentlemen” or “God rest ye, merry gentlemen”?
  19. How is it that Clay Aiken didn’t win American Idol?
  20. If the world ended now, would I be disappointed? Would the Lakers?

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