Tag Archives: Beyonce

Lies, but Entertaining Lies

28 Jun

Twelve Hot Entertainment Rumors That You NEED to Read

Can it be true? Probably not.The Internet is at its most powerful when spreading wildly speculative and (often) preposterous stories (aka, “breaking news”). This traffic of tastylicious rumors—especially regarding pop entertainment—has created its own kind of cultural sideroom, where you can sit and wonder at the things somebody has said about media, its personalities, and the world at large.

So, under the guise of a social experiment, we’ve created some potent but ridiculous “media news” to see how far it can travel. We hope our “news” races across the planet, starting an unstoppable chain of spin-off “news” across the length and breadth of the Interwebs. So kick back and dig your teeth into some juicy nonsense, and don’t forget to spread the word.


  • Contrary to revisionist claims by director Francis Ford Coppola that Apocalypse Now was based on Joseph Conrad’s Heart of Darkness, it actually began as an adaptation of Dr. Seuss’s I Had Trouble in Getting to Solla Sollew.
  • Thanks to groundbreaking camera, costume, and lighting tricks, Humphrey Bogart’s song-and-dance scene in Casablanca was actually performed by Fred Astaire, with the vocals dubbed in later. 
  • To prevent unnecessary waste of animal products, Sylvester Stallone’s “egg scene” in Rocky actually employed stunt yolks for every take.
  • While filming the time-jump scenes in Back to the Future, Michael J. Fox claimed to have actually seen the future, and predicted not only the dot-com bubble of the late 1990s but also the future market for flux capacitor–themed t-shirts, cufflinks, and refrigerator magnets. This is why he is a rich man today.
  • During the time fracture event just noted, a part of Michael J. Fox’s soul was sliced off and became Jason Bateman, which explains their eerily similar appearance, film choices (Teen Wolf  1 and 2), and the fact that they have never been professionally successful at the same time.
  • And speaking of Back to the Future, have you ever consider the possibility that Johnny Depp’s portrayal of Captain Jack Sparrow was a characterization not of Keith Richards but of Christopher Lloyd’s own Reverend Jim Ignatowski from Taxi.



  • After AC/DC’s founding members pass away, their label will release the rejected demo recordings from the band’s “Billy Joel period.”
  • The unreleased Beach Boys album Smile was actually an appalling tapestry of drug-induced sound effects, including high-frequency whines, coughing, and bicycle chain noises set to the the rhythmic beating of animal carcasses. Even categorizing it as “experimental” couldn’t make it marketable, so the label shelved it.
  • Rihanna and Adele and Beyoncé are actually three manifestations of the same personage. That’s why none of them has a last name.
  • Justin Bieber has consulted with a leading plastic surgeon about revolutionary new medical procedures that would make himself look more like Lady Gaga. Alas.
  • The Sugarhill Gang got the bass line for their hit “Rapper’s Delight” from Queen bassist Roger Deacon, who borrowed it from Vanilla Ice, who “adapted” it from Chic’s Nile Rodgers, who stole it from my uncle Phil, who grew up with Nile in a small ranch community south of Provo, Utah. Phil and Nile haven’t spoken since.
  • It’s not that Paul is dead; in fact, he never existed.

 Now it’s your turn to spread the word. Shout a metaphorical, “Extra! Extra! Read all about it!” from the rooftop that is Twitter/Facebook/Instagram. And feel free to propose your own juicy tidbit. Thanks in advance—Michael J. Fox already told us how well the experiment turns out.

Naughty-Naughty, North Korea—Why Can’t You Behave?

14 Dec

Naughty North KoreaSo, the North Korean leadership is in attention-getting mode again, launching their rockets and spouting off unprovoked threats about turning the world into a sea of fire. While we’ve come to expect this sort of behavior, it’s still vital that we not drop to their level—even though we Americans can get really worked up over this sort of thing. To help out, we here at Maximum Know-How have put together a list of twelve immature political responses to the North Korean rocket launch we should NOT do, even if you really want to:

  • Launch our own rocket right off their territorial waters to see how they like it.
  • Go kick around some broken down South American dictatorship to help us feel powerful.
  • Spread a nasty rumor on Facebook that Kim Jong-un prefers Rebecca Black’s “Friday” over anything Beyonce’s done.
  • Bully Netflix into “accidentally” canceling the supreme leader’s subscription.
  • Lace the country’s food aid with laxatives.
  • Dump a whole bunch of green food coloring into the Taedong river.
  • Tell them off publicly in the world press, then go back to our room and listen to angry Metallica songs until falling asleep in our clothes.
  • Call up China and tell ‘em they deserve someone better as a regional ally.
  • Order a missile system online and have it overnighted to the Midwest just to demonstrate how much wealthier we are.
  • Invade.
  • Bean the lead-off batter of their national baseball team at the next Olympics.
  • Detonate concussion bombs over Pyongyang, and then justify ourselves to the UN by saying that the North Koreans started it, plus Iran set us up to take the blame.