Tag Archives: unpleasant surprises

20 Things You Hate to Hear Your Spouse Say When They First Enter the Room

26 Feb


Marriage can be a wonderful thing, but the casual familiarity born of years of togetherness can sometimes create moments of alarm. Especially when they come suddenly, without warning, and you’re not prepared, sayings like these can ruin your day:

  1. Do we know any good divorce attorneys?
  2. Why are you still here? Was it canceled?
  3. I decided today just to talk to a realtor.
  4. Apparently you didn’t remember!
  5. If you’re in here, then where’s the car?
  6. Okay, now, hear me out before you say anything.
  7. Remember that person I was dating when I first met you?
  8. If anyone calls from work or from the police, I’m not here.
  9. What was that for?!
  10. Well, I’ve come to a decision.
  11. Who’s that in the downstairs bathroom?
  12. Humph. Figures.
  13. Well? Don’t you have anything to say?
  14. Just to warn you, but this may be the worst night of our lives.
  15. I saw you today, but decided not to say “hi.”
  16. Why are you making credit card purchases in Latvia?
  17. So, your boss called me today while you were at work.
  18. Quick question: How’s our current religious “status” working out for you?
  19. You could have said something to your spouse, you know!
  20. I was walking past the dog pound today, and suddenly decided, “why not?”